Sunday, November 8, 2015

It's Who I Am

Have you ever thought about who you would be if you took something away from yourself?  For instance, I play the piano and have done so since I was 8 years old.  If I took that away, there would be so many holes in my life.  I wouldn't be the same person. I wouldn't have the guts I do now to get up in front of people. I just think piano as a whole- has, in large part, molded who I am.  I think about this in terms of religion a lot.  When I was a full-time blogger here I did my best to share droplets of my religious beliefs but for the most part I strayed away from being "too churchy".  My reasoning was twofold:  One, I didn't want to make this a religious blog... and two, I didn't want controversy.  I realize and recognize that speaking of God in ways that aren't familiar to others creates controversy and worse... contention.  But I'll be honest, one of the things that drove me away from being a full-time blogger was knowing that there were parts of me + my life that I just didn't display online so therefore I felt like I wasn't giving my readers the FULL picture of who I really was, and who I really am.  That bothered me and made me retreat from this space- thinking, I could finally be myself- and it was all okay because I was accepted there.  Acceptance here never quite felt right because I'd often think... man, they don't even know me!  Well, I think I've grown up enough now to not be afraid to talk more openly about religion... my religion.  Side note:  I don't allow comments anymore because I love being able to express my feelings and thoughts without commentary.  In fact, I wish I could do that on more platforms like Instagram for example.  Can they make that a thing?  Posts that don't allow likes or comments?  I'd love that.

So to reiterate... I had to quit blogging because I was tired of toning down my religion and other things in my life that are so dear, personal, and sacred to me.  Welp, I just can't not talk about my religion now.  It's WHO I AM, and who I always was.  There's nothing shameful about it, and I'm HAPPY to talk about it.  It's my everything.  It's why I love myself, it's why I love others, it's why I look at people for who they can be rather than judge them for what they've done.  My religion is my driving force behind every choice I make.  It's on my mind 24-7.  From the gorgeous weather to avoiding a car wreck I'm always looking to God.  OK... let me back up because I'm sounding quite honestly boastful.  Rest assured, I'm as flawed as they come.  There's a lot about me that needs improvement and my Heavenly Father knows that better than anyone.  Despite my weaknesses though, I rejoice in what good I do accomplish on any given day- and by the end of the day I am pleading for more strength to do better.  It's a beautiful, often exhausting cycle (in a good way).

Before I go any further I wanted to say who I am.  I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I am a Mormon.  Plainly stated, it's the gospel that Jesus Christ preached when he was on the earth.  That's what I believe.  I could go into great detail about where Joseph Smith comes into play or the Book of Mormon but if you're interested you can just check that and many other things out here: https://www.mormon.org

Why am I coming out with this?  Well, if you've read my blog for years now you already probably knew my religion.  You saw me posting temples or saw the vague "we believe" link on my sidebar.  These are non-confrontational ways or sharing who I am.  So, I'm not technically "just" coming out with this.  But I did feel the urge to talk about it tonight, and REALLY talk about it.  There's been a lot of talk about things, my church, in the media over the years and I feel my voice is important.  It might be nice to hear the perspective from an actual member over a news report or article.  At any rate, I've been drafting a post in my mind about some recent popular topics, Mormon related, so look for those soon if you're interested.

Who am I?  An imperfect human being trying their best.  On top of that is my absolute crazy passion for the gospel of Jesus Christ.  If I could shout from the rooftops without looking like a crazy person, I would shout from my rooftop just how much I love my church.  Did you hear that internet?  I'm Mormon!  I know it, I live it, and I LOVE IT.  I truly do.  It's that BIG HUGE chunk of me that was always kinda overshadowed on this blog for i-don't-know-whose benefit.  I thought I'd be cool, be an every-man (woman), fit in and only like trendy stuff!  Gosh I wish you could hear my tone cause I get pretty animated in my head.  Truly, that was never the full story.  Now this is...