Thursday, July 14, 2011

awkward stage

My life is in an awkward stage right now... do you ever feel like this?  There's nothing wrong with anything, really.. I just still feel like I'm in limbo.  Part of that is due to my hair loss and sudden regrowth.  I have a long set of bangs and a short set popping up underneath.  Let's not even mention my "sideburns"  As in, the short pieces of hair growing in, in that area.  *embarrassing! (Not that I'm surprised, I expected it.  Happened with Brody too.)

So my hair is awkward, my business is awkward, and our living situation is awkward.  Ay caramba.
*an awkward picture to match an awkward everything else;)
My business has actually never been better.  I got my last check today (last expected check anyway).. and even though I don't know when I'll be getting more (as in, more clients. Since clients=paychecks) I'm actually quite content.  Whyyyyy?  Well part of it has to do with feeling like no matter how much I clean off my plate I always manage to pile more on.  And this is all having kids that DON'T go to soccer practice, or even school.  I know life is just going to get busier.  So I really want to feel like I have a handle on what is going on NOW- before I get to the even crazier stuff.  I feel like I haven't caught up on anything that has been in my mental to-do list.  Most of my "busy-ness" is self-inflicted though.  I need to want to do less, I guess. (wow that sounds highly unmotivated for my taste).  There's a lot I want to accomplish and that's OK I think... this is why I don't pinterest (random side note).  If I did all I'd ever have were "ideas" and "plans" and not enough time to make them happen.) When I get really busy with my photography business, takeout happens, kids end up watching too much TV, and my arm gets that cramped carpel tunnel feeling again.  There needs to be more balance when things go that way.

I've had offers for business but I've turned them down.  I'm GRATEFUL for a bit of a break.. where as, in Arizona, I felt like I couldn't say no to a gig or I was denying myself.  I don't feel like that anymore.  I've decided I'm going to put a limit on how many shoots I do per month.  One a week MAX.  Because basically if I don't, I'll miss out on so much of my children's childhood!  I'm still SO gung ho about it though.  I'm not quitting or stopping.  Connie B Photography is unstoppable!! haha!  Anyways...I'm just slowing down so I can savor the moments I have with my kids while they are still little. *I have another "Photography & Me post in the works so I'll digress...
Our living situation is awkward because guess what.... we're moving again!  I pretty much knew all along that Kentucky wasn't a forever thing.  I didn't want to really say that though for fear of no one caring to get to know me.  Plus I wasn't sure it would just be one year... but it will be.  Now that things are... well, the way they are going to be, I figure it doesn't matter that I'm saying it.  Can you believe we've already been here for 4 months?  That means we only have 8 to go until we move again.

I feel.... oh.....*exhausted of these short moments in different places.  I met some great girls in Oklahoma that I really wish I could still do play dates with.  I've met great girls HERE- but I still sometimes feel like I'm watching the clock- waiting for something more permanent.  At the same time I want things to zoom by, I want the clock to slow down too.  I want to feel settled for five minutes before we up and go again.  I felt pretty okay about having to move again (I mean, we were going to be moving to some place SO AWESOME.  But lately our plans have been changing and our big plans are taking us somewhere we didn't expect, most likely.  NOW I'm not sure that... number one, it'll be as exciting as our original plan and two... even where we'll be going!  We don't even know yet.  Ugh!  It's hard having things so up in the air in my life but I'm sure I'll grow out of the awkwardness someday.

15 lovely comments:

amy said... Reply To This Comment

Looking forward to the "Photography & Me" post! :)

PS. You should move to Austin. :)

Erin said... Reply To This Comment

whaaa...only here a year! bummer, but exciting at the same time! I totally get the whole awkward phase...but I feel like I'm in that everyday!

shirley elizabeth said... Reply To This Comment

Ooh jealous your hair's to the point of growing back. All my hair did through pregnancy was fall out, and with the rate it's been falling out since I'm surprised I don't share the Stock family hairstyle. Can't wait for it to stop!

Jessica said... Reply To This Comment

Oh wow moving again! I know the feeling! You just want to get to the place where you know it is where you can put your feet up for a long time! p.s. I've always thought your hair was to die for :)

SushiMama said... Reply To This Comment

I started my photography business in 2009, and I'm feeling the exact same way right now. I still love it, but I'm ready to slow down a bit and feel like I schedule photography around my life instead of my life around photography.

Courtney B said... Reply To This Comment

Oh Connie I TOTALLY know what you mean! We moved to northern Utah almost a year ago and we've been in limbo ever since. We thought for sure when our year lease was up that we'd be moving, we weren't sure where. Eric has had multiple job opportunities that have popped up and we weren't sure where that'd take us. Eric finishes school in a year but he's talking about going back. Oh and can I just throw in that we've been tossing around the idea to add to our family?
Well Eric received a calling that is keeping us here for another year. So at least that's settled. But we're still in limbo about which job is right, school, and a baby?! AH! Life is crazy!!
P.s. I hope I live by you someday so that you can take our pictures! Oh and I'd probably love to be your friend :) haha!

Randi Gardner said... Reply To This Comment

I know how you feel! It crazy! We've been through lots of wondering if we were going to be able to pay the bills (even as i was 5 months pregnant! ah!) And with my husband doing construction it is just always a little scary. But one thing I know is it ALWAYS works out. Especially when you hold tight to the principles of our Gospel. (I'm sure you know that too.) Good luck and I hope you get a little assurance soon. limbo is no fun!

Autumn said... Reply To This Comment fun. We've moved three times this year since we have been married. I know it's no fun, but we don't even have kids so I can't imagine.

Kentucky is very big about locals...if you are having trouble booking once a week you should offer free 30 minute sessions or something.

Connie said... Reply To This Comment

No no no I'm not having trouble booking, actually the opposite. Im limiting my photo shoots! The only time I gave shoots for free was when I was first starting out learning. I'm passed that, thank goodness!! :)

Connie said... Reply To This Comment

Sushi mama you said it better than I did! Thanks all for your sweet comments :)

Brea said... Reply To This Comment

I feel like we've been in limbo for 2 1/2 years now.... For whatever reason we LOVE Hawaii but at the same time, because we know that its not a permanent place for us, it's been so hard for us to really "love" Hawaii. Does that make any sense?? ha Pretty much, we've met great people there but everyone we've gotten close to has also been there for school and some of the great people we know have already moved back to the mainland and newbies have moved to Hawaii for school. It's just a cycle of coming & going... Such a weird place to be.... I seriously cannot WAIT until we are settled somewhere. I want so many things.... another years to go and then we move again and start all over!

Whitney said... Reply To This Comment

I hate LIMBO! I kinda feel like Im there right now. I just feel weird. Anyways I totally understand hair loss and regrowth. As soon as Presley was born my hair fell out by the handfuls. The regrowth process is ridiculous. My bands did the same thing. Im so glad you are moving back to AZ. ;)

Mars said... Reply To This Comment

Man I feel like this is the I grew up in CO my whole life. In 5th grade we moved about 15 min away so I had to change schools. Then half way through my Junior year of HIGH SCHOOL my parents decide to move again about 40 min away so I had to change schools again leaving all my friends I had known pretty much my whole life. In High school that can be a little devastating. Then about a year after I graduated my parents decided to move to Arizona...leaving my whole life and people I've ever known. Ever since I've been in AZ I've felt "in limbo" and have moved back and forth from Utah twice and don't even get me started how many times I've moved around Mesa & Gilbert lol.
I think it's awesome you have decided to schedule your photography around your life. Because when your kids are grown and gone you don't want to look back and see only all the amazing photo shoots you did, you'll want to see all the memories you had with your kids and what you did to shape them to take on the world (although looking back and seeing all your success in photography won't be bad either ;) ) Goold luck wherever the wind may take you. You seem free spirited enough to enjoy moving around and exloring new places.

wholesouls2 said... Reply To This Comment

Cool post kiddo, but guess what? I'm 29 years into marriage with 4 grown kids, and 5 grandkids, and life never slows down; it just changes direction. It is smart of you to purposely put limits on your time, because if you don't it is emotionally costly (take it from one who knows). And look at us: we put down roots in Cali for 17 1/2 years and then uprooted our lives for the rest. Now, in the US Army, we still don't know what the future will hold; all we know is that the best thing in life to hold onto is each other! Love, Mother

Connie said... Reply To This Comment

*Whitney, I WISH we were going back to AZ!

And when I said place not as cool I mean "state", not house. Not sure what state we're headed to next and that's nerve racking for me!