Tuesday, May 3, 2011

"not pregnant"

I usually keep this kind of stuff to myself but it's been something I've been thinking about for the past couple months and I wanted to blog it.  Tony and I are not really "trying" to get pregnant but there was a chance I was.  He didn't think I was, but I thought I was.  If I could guarantee that only girls read this blog I would go into detail but I know that's not true (hi dad).  Anyways, obviously I just had a baby so if I were, that would feel... i don't know.  My mom had my brother and I (her 2nd and 3rd) three days less than a year apart.  This would've been further apart than that!  When I thought about the possibility of being pregnant again every part of me was excited!  I'm READY, I WANT this!  I couldn't wait!  And besides, I've exercized once since Hyrum was born, I might as well start the process over again while I'm still all out of shape.  haha.  It just started to make sense to get pregnant right now (and not just for that one reason).  Course, then an outing would happen where both boys were screaming and I'd come back to reality, and I'd get scared that I actually were.  Was I ready?

For the most part though, I wanted this.  I did the same thing I always do, I sat giddly on the pot awaiting the words.  It's crazy how long a minute feels when you count every second.
ouch.  What they need to have in that little box is, 
"I'm so sorry!  You're lady parts work, you just got the timing wrong.  Just be patient because it WILL happen!!"

When "not pregnant" came up I was sad, I'm not going to lie!  This was the 2nd test in the last couple weeks to say this.  This isn't to say that I don't think it will happen, I know it will.  It's just never easy to read.  Nope.  Another baby IS in the cards just not quite yet, I guess.  It's just funny how bad you want what you thought you already had.
ps. days left to vote thumbs up me.  I am overwhelmed with you, my sweet friends and family alike, for doing so.  It's still a close race and anything can happen so would you mind?  I'd love you forever.  (scratch that, I'd love you either way.)  Only a couple more days and I'll never beg for votes again, I promise! (I already feel retarded asking anyway;)