Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's harder than I thought

LIFE.  Ok, that was a little dramatic, ignore that.  But seriously!  Right now I'm still adjusting to all this change... new place, new responsibilities, new associates.  I went from being home with Brody constantly- to now I feel like I see him a few hours a day, if I'm lucky.  School, school, school, p90x (working out for 1 hour and 15 mins a day, not to mention shower and hair so add another hour at least).  Then there's piano practicing (since I'm majoring in Piano)...  AND photography, another passion.  My scrapbooking is backed up... I haven't done it in a year and a half so I'm trying to catch up.  I "have" to have a clean house, so that takes up time- and then of course we all have to eat.  Brody doesn't eat what we do- he's REALLY picky.  So, I usually make 2 meals, every meal.  Oh and I keep a regular journal on top of this blog...AND I like to get into a good book.  All these things I want/and have to do and not enough hours in the day. We get it, Connie, you're busy- who cares, so are we.  Well, it's just hard adjusting some days.  Some days I'm completely fine with it (it's refreshing to once again pursue things I care about!!!), other days I wish I could quit everything and just spend all day with Brody and just play.  I miss him!  *And don't say, "blog less" because all this I do during naps and after bedtime.  Guilt free blogging.*  But anyway... I feel like I'm missing out on stuff.  He comes up to me, touches my toes and says "TOES!"  He can name everything on his face too.  My favorite is how he sees a cricket and waves to it and says, "HI BUG!"  When did this start?  My baby is all grown up. I don't remember it happening, and that scares me.

I guess you can say I'm feeling a little guilt for doing things I want to do.  I know I shouldn't feel that way but part of me thinks everything I do should be for him... and my life can wait.

Right now, I just miss my baby.

Copy of mom and mike visit 4-4-08 034

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I go private sometimes.  Don't worry.  I'm not going private for good.  So all of you lurkers can continue to lurk and never say hello. (I see how it is).  No.... anyway... I just wanted to say if you ever see that I went private- don't worry.  I'll be back.  I do that sometimes when I give my blog a makeover.  You might've noticed things are drastically different; hence, why I was private for a little bit the other day.

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9-8-09

For my photography class we started an online photo journal.  We have to post a picture a day.  I thought it was going to be easy (and it really is) but I put it off everyday till it's pretty much too late and the day is over.  Last night I had to snap this in a parking lot before the sun went completely down... it was my first submission too.  FIRST DAY and I'm already slacking off.  I can do this... school is FUN!  School is EASY!  Keep telling yourself that, Connie.

Why am I telling you about the photo stuff?  Oh... just so you know why I may periodically share a random picture here and there.  Kay?

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Today Tony and I walked around the mall for 5 hours.  My back started to hurt, it sucked.  Hello... what am I 65?  I should not be having back pain.  But I do.  SO I deal.

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Looking back on the fun, I want to cry.  I can't tell you how many times I said, "Stop it Brody", "put that down, Brody", "don't do that Brody".  I barely played with him the whole time.  AGAIN, I was too focused on getting myself a shirt on sale.  I need to do better.  (sorry, SORRY!  I KNOW I shouldn't sulk but I feel like it for once, dang it all!)

Couple things I DID make time for at the mall.... These shoes.  Wowza.  I wonder who thought this genius idea up.  WHAT??  They are unlike anything I've ever seen.  Which translates to:  take a picture Connie, and blog it.

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OH- which reminds me.... several months ago I found these shoes at ROSS.  Again, one of those things where I just couldn't believe they made it to stores.  Maybe you like?  Please say "heck no".  And might I add, they were worse in person, if you can believe it.

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AND how can I pass by my favorite photo booth without cracking up inside over this delightful photo.  Those guys up top are just so....

...you know what?  I better not say the wrong thing here.  Let's just say they caught my attention... like always.

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22 lovely comments:

Britney Jean said... Reply To This Comment

oh i love this blog.

and i HATE being busy.

i'm scared to have kids cuz idk how i'll fit it all in and still feel like i'm there for my kids spending time with them!

salena said... Reply To This Comment

uggh I just left a huge comment and it didnt work! I'll try again:)

I was gonna say that so many times after the kids are in bed asleep I think of how I didnt play with them enough or I got mad at Bastien too much. (What is it with an over abundance of love for them when they're asleep? Maybe cuz they look so sweet:)

Oh and you having those feelings just means that you ARE a good mom! I think if there is a good time to do a little bit for yourself it would be now since Brody is still little and wont even remember it. Also a plus is family is always willing to watch ONE kid, once you hit 3 they arent as willing:)

I think its awesome you're going to school!

{Jamie} said... Reply To This Comment

I empathize with you more than you know! With Timmy not having a job but going to school at night, I was working two jobs at one point and it completely broke my heart to come home late to see Preston sleeping when that's how I had left him that morning! Something had to give. I missed him terribly so I quit the 2nd job and said "we'll make it somehow!" That's why I don't blog much lately. I play with him at night and try to spend as much time with him as possible! Then once he goes to bed, i'm just too tired for my brain to even work! Things will get better for you! You'll eventually get settled into your routine. But it's completely normal to have these feelings! Chin up babe! :)

Nancy Face said... Reply To This Comment

Yep, life really IS hard...and you're doing an awesome job at everything! I'm so impressed that you work out so faithfully with all the other things you have to do! You're amazing! :)

Staci said... Reply To This Comment

I know how ya feel, a couple of years ago I went back to college to finish my A.S.(full time), work 40+ hrs. a week, and be the whole mom/wife person. Yeeeaaahhh it sucked, and that's why I don't have a master's yet!!! Anyways I am happy right now with the way things are so maybe in a few more yers I'll go back.

heidi lou said... Reply To This Comment

it's ok to sulk every once in a while. because I do like twice a week...ha ha. even though it's hard, it will be so worth it! you're doing great!

Alexa Mae said... Reply To This Comment

i know exactly how you feel. when bronson was 4 months old i went back to working. i really didnt realize how much i was missing. i missed him, i missed watching him grow the 4 months i was working, but now looking back i KNOW that he is not traumatized by that little episode in our lives. he knows i love him. i did work FOR him and our family. you are amazing and so talented. i think you are being a remarkable mother for getting as much education as you can. it's okay to feel bad, just try to focus on the times you do have with your family and live it up. the more you feel bad the more it'll take away from being happy! you are the foundation of your home, your boys love you. and i admire you! i truly do.

Annie said... Reply To This Comment

my bestie is going through the exact same thing right now. full time job, school, mommy, working out....i don't know how you ladies juggle it all.
i can't wait to be a mommy and give it a shot too ;)
just take each day one at a time, you do what you can, i have no doubts that you are an amazing wife and the best mommy ever!
oh and i just love the flower photo!
bset of luck to you with EVERYTHING! don't let yourself stress so much hun :)

Alexandria said... Reply To This Comment

Connie! How on earth do you have time for all that you do? You rock girl! I was just starting to think I was overwhelmed with college...um ya not so much.

I don't know you, like in real life, but you seem to be an amazing mother and Brody is lucky to have you.

On the lighter side...holy ugly shoes...what the heck?! Who wants guns as their heels? Really...

Lauren said... Reply To This Comment

Connie. You are amazazing! I quit school after I had Allie and I wish I would've finished. Just remember to breathe and take it one day at a time. You are the coolest.
And holy crap those shoes are awesome!!
Giggle giggle at those two guys! Thanks for sharing that hilarity!

Lauren said... Reply To This Comment

Oh and the blog make over rocks! Loooove it!

Brett and Em Randall said... Reply To This Comment

i dont have achild to juggle in with my life yet but i know that feeling of being overwhelmed and sometimes certain things take more attention and time than others do. there is no such thing as balencing it all the same! your doing a great job girl!

Sarah and Trent said... Reply To This Comment

okay so I think I totally tried on those same shoes (the crazy psychadellic ones) and told Trent I just HAD to get them :-)

Great minds think alike! Now that you're back we'll have to get together and do dinner again!

Devin & Ruthann said... Reply To This Comment

Hey I totally know how busy things are! At least I'm not in school, but dido on all the other stuff going on...some days it's nice to drop everything and focus on the kids. They're only little for a short time--I try to keep that in mind when they are driving me nuts!

Tracy said... Reply To This Comment

I completely admire the fact that you are back in school for piano. The reason I stopped was because of the time it took to practice! 5 hours a day!! CRAZY!! But I am SUPER jealous. Let me know when you have a recital. I would love to come!

I know what you mean about not having enough hours in the day to get everything done! ... which reminds me, I probably should stop blogstalking people and get to my homework:)

Lecia said... Reply To This Comment

I think you and I were having the same thoughts this week! I sensed a theme running through both our blogs! love you!

Newlyweds said... Reply To This Comment

So I totally feel that there is not enough time in the day! Actually almost all the time! haha but I don't think I am as busy as you are... but i totally know where you are coming from on this one! :)

Newlyweds said... Reply To This Comment

So I totally feel that there is not enough time in the day! Actually almost all the time! haha but I don't think I am as busy as you are... but i totally know where you are coming from on this one! :)

Anonymous said... Reply To This Comment

Connie, I am confident in your abilities and devotion as a wife and mother. All of us women have guilt trip feelings all the time, but work with your husband to sort it out and choose the best for your family. If you do this, you will succeed with your family. You are lucky to have Tony's family helping with Brody and the relationships he gains with them will not hurt his with you. Your hugs and your kisses and your teachings assure him of that. Your night time ritual is just one that gives him security and he sleeps with the knowledte that his parents love him. You love him, and he knows that. Every woman has to juggle best how to show their devotion to their family. It isn't selfish to develop yourself because it is for your family in the long run and short run. I wasn't able to go to school so soon after a baby because Dad and my situation was way different. He was off with the guard and etc. Plus, we lacked the family support that would have allowed that. Embrace your life Connie---all of it---love your school, your baby, your husband---Don't look down at your feet to see if you are doing it right---just dance! Love, Mother

JED said... Reply To This Comment

You want to talk about guilt? How about feeling guilty that everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, in the whole wide world responds to your blog immediately, but your daddy takes four days to respond and is the last one to notice your blog. It is not by design. I understand your feelings. Seems like one day you are born and the next you are reading about your grandson on the internet. Time flies, kiddo. I used to think there would always be time tomorrow, but tomorrow came rather quickly. Your mom gives good advice. Frankly, you don’t have the time to feel guilty, just enjoy life as it comes. You will regret less if you enjoy what you do have. The good times never seem to last very long.

Boy do I miss you guys! Brody is so cool.

Currently Caffeinated, Dee said... Reply To This Comment

I just found your blog through another - I love that sunset flower photo!

Connie said... Reply To This Comment

Dee--- thanks for commenting! And thank you! I wasn't able to get to your profile/blog!